The bottomline on local headlines (23 Aug 2006)

Time is precious for an old fogey. Like they say, you don't know when you'll go!

I don't really like selling tissues at MRT stations and shopping malls. Perhaps, I'll consider it when MOM and NTUC re-brand the profession with a catchy job title, job certification and a funky uniform to boot. Like the one worn by those star trekkies, cool.

Disgusting isn't? I am one of those fussy unemployed who refused to understand that a few hundreds is better than zero.

Well, I have bigger plans for myself. I will embrace our PM ... 's vision of the coming of the digital age. My son pointed out that he was a little late. Nevermind, old people are slower at things but I'm sure we'll get there at 73.

For starters, I got myself a digital clock. Tonight, I shall get myself a digital watch. I will re-train myself to be a digital media talent that Singapore needs. Next, I gathered I need to be a media expert as well. Ok, no probs, I'll start with the print media. Reading headlines is a breeze. Getting the bottomline is the tricky part. I'll try.

MOH publishes average hospital bill sizes which show affordability. Read.

Bottomline - we never had problems with medical bills, false alarm!

Police to examine practicality of alternative sites given by World Bank for protests. Read.

Bottomline - Sir, please fill up the 'Request for police action' form and queue behind those 'civil' assault cases.

Man smuggling Subutex in anus caught at Woodlands checkpoint. Read.

Bottomline - he should have used some of his creative sparks on alternative routes to avoid Woodlands checkpoint instead.

Reports on Taiwan President travelling to Palau via S'pore false: MFA. Read.

Bottomline - taiwanese newspapers retort that Singapore papers lost their sense of hearing too, quoting PM saying hum as hiam ....

Case announces six new central committee members. Read.

Bottomline - they are roped in to investigate rising cosumer complaints about not having any hum in their mee siam.

(More to come .... but need to re-charge after reading so much media bollocks).